The Inner Child’s Journey: How Childhood Patterns Connected Me to My Life’s Blueprint

by Dr Shuna Marr

Yesterday, I shared a realisation about the inner child who had been lurking beneath my lifelong tendency to overwork, in this blog post here.

More insights have since come to light, as I start to see the roots of this drive more clearly.

I’ve noticed that when something feels open-ended, I feel an almost compulsive need to resolve it. Reflecting, I’ve begun to see how growing up with a parent who used narcissistic tactics shaped this survival mechanism.

In such environments, we become hypervigilant, always assessing situations to preempt potential issues or emotional reactions. For children like me, security came from trying to control or "fix" situations, creating a feeling—however temporary—of stability and safety. The notion of ‘sitting with’ indecision was deeply unsettling because I was always bracing for an unpredictable emotional response.

I can now see why my mind would wake me up at night, grappling with decisions or unsettled situations, even when they held no real urgency. My mind, in those moments, was searching for closure, mistaking it for safety.

After yesterday’s revelation, I spent more time in my heart space room and journaling.

There were so many instances where I could see this distorted drive at work. My mum’s need to control the people around her to feel safe—hence the narcissistic behaviour—taught me early on to redirect that need inward. I couldn’t control others, so I began to control myself, diverting that energy within. This pattern became the driving force beneath the 'key domino' I mentioned in yesterday's post.

In my heart space room, I addressed this little part of me who had taken on so much responsibility for keeping me safe.

"I know you’ve felt responsible for making sure everything is safe and that people don’t reject or hurt us. You’ve done a brilliant job of protecting me, and I understand why you’re still trying to keep everything under control. But you don’t have to carry this burden anymore. We are safe now, and it’s okay to rest. Open-ended situations don’t bring us harm, and we can find safety without exhaustive problem-solving."

I told her I was grateful for all she had done, and that she could finally relax. After we talked for a while, I gifted her a small blue aquamarine necklace she could wear, and she went off to sit in a big wicker chair in the garden to read. She can finally rest and relax and do what she loves to do. 

Looking at the larger picture, I can see how the strands of my journey are coalescing. The drive beneath my overworking has always been this little one, who felt unsafe with anything unfinished or open-ended. A quest for safety, perhaps even more than the basic needs of food, exercise, or self-care, drove me to push myself beyond my limits.

Pulling back, I see that I came into this lifetime on a journey, following a soul blueprint. I was on a path that's taken me from lack and disempowerment to wholeness. At certain stages, breakdowns became necessary to push me to the next level of consciousness.

For this to unfold, I needed a driving force—and the distortions I experienced provided that.

These distorted beliefs kept me on this trajectory, pushing me to neglect self-care, experience the challenges within my birth family, and ultimately face rejection from them. It was all part of what would initiate my healing journey. This drive gave me the momentum to achieve academic and personal milestones, complete my PhD, and build a new life after my divorce.

Without this little inner child taking responsibility for others' emotions, without her sense of unsafety that propelled me to overachieve and her difficulty in setting boundaries, none of what has unfolded would have been possible.

My life came to unfold in this way because, at a soul level, I chose these parents, these circumstances, and this particular distortion to be the driving factor in this lifetime. Now, I can finally see it hiding beneath the overworking.

This was the key pin in my soul blueprint—this fundamental drive, which has shaped my life, was precisely what was needed for my soul’s journey. And now, as I realign my chakras and move towards 5D living, I no longer need this distortion. It can be gently let go.

If this part of me was still operating when I close the business in January, I would just have carried it into this new stage. But I no longer need it, and so this inner child has stepped forward now to reveal this truth, allowing me to see and release it, in perfect timing.

As I’ve come to understand, this entire journey was no accident—it was all mapped out in my soul’s blueprint. Every experience, every push, every breakthrough was set to guide me from one level of consciousness to the next. It’s as if each piece is now clicking into place, allowing me to see the purpose of the drive that has carried me all this way.

Seeing how this inner child’s protective role shaped every milestone, every struggle, and ultimately every step toward wholeness—it’s like tracing back to the core seed that shaped my journey.

Without this ‘distortion,’ I may not have felt the urgency to break through to new levels of awareness. This inner child, feeling unsafe and holding responsibility for everything, was almost like a 'guardian of my path', propelling me forward, albeit through challenging means.

And now, I can see how this distortion was perfectly aligned with my soul’s blueprint—not to harm me, but to accelerate me, to ensure I made each shift right on time.

Now that I see this, I feel truly ready to release it. Her coming forward now, in perfect timing, to share this truth with me is so powerful. It’s as if her purpose has been fulfilled, allowing both of us to step forward without the weight of the past.

I’m letting go of what’s no longer necessary for this next stage, shedding an old driving force that has served its purpose. Now, as I step into 5D living, I feel ready to move forward with a sense of freedom—not driven by control, but instead supported by inner trust and peace.

Love

P.S. I’ll soon be sharing a case study on my life journey and how it’s all coalesced into my dream life. Keep an eye out—I’m excited to share it with you!